Christ's Conception of God: Fair Laws, Justice, and Civilization

As a young boy, I was dragged to church by my mother to the regular Sunday Sessions at the Catholic Church. While living in a suburb of Cleveland, I regularly attended CCD, a religious education class. In 1976, I trasferred to a Catholic Grade School where I took religious classes. The transfer spurned in me an interest in Jesus and the teachings in the Bible. One day I broke out the Bible and read the entire New Testatment. After reading it, I was impressed with the wisdom of Jesus and Christ's defense of Mosaic Law. Jesus argued that all of the 10 Commandments could be summarized in the statement "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
At this point I began to wonder what's Jesus' conception of good and God was and how it applied to civilization and the world. Jesus had rejected Satan's offer of power and glory in the world. The answer seemed to lie in the statement that "God is Good." The question was, how did Jesus define it.
Since the time of Moses, the Jews of the ancient world followed the 10 Commandments given to Moses by God in the Sinai. They go like this: 1) I am the Lord your God, have no other gods before me, 2) You shall not make for yourself an idol, 3) You shall not make wrongful use of the name of God, 4) Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy, 5) Honor you father and mother, 6) You shall not murder, 7)You shall not committ adultery, 8) You shall not steal, 9)You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, 10) You shall not covet your neighbor's wife nor anything that your neighbor possesses. According to the New Testament, Jesus believed that these laws were fair and rational. His dispute was with the "teachers of the Law," Sadducces and Pharisees who he saw as hypocrites.
Now mind you, as I grew older these ideas stuck in my head, but at some point I realized that the world is very complex. I started to read other thinkers on the subject of law and civilization. Sigmund Freud, despite claiming to be agnostic, had many ideas that were similar to Jesus. Freud argued that freedom in a state of nature was greater than in civilization because people did want to covet, steal, and even kill. The advantage of nature was that you could do as you pleased, but then again another person could covet your mate, steal from you, or kill you. Thus nature was very free but very dangerous. In civilization there were prohibitions, if you stole, cheated, or killed you could get in trouble. But when the rules of civilization were working, people and their property were safer. Civilization was less free, but there were the advantages of legal protections.
The question for me, after reading Freud, was how did this relate to Christ and his conception of civilization and God. The answer was clear, Christ's God accepted both the advantages and disadvantages of civilization. There were restrictions placed on doing evil, or benefiting from evil acts. To Christ, God was good; he was an honest cop. When God punished people it was for disobeying fair laws--that was justice. The devil on the other hand wanted all the advantages of nature and the jungle--breaking all the rules--and all the advantages of civilization--protection of life and property, and the right to make unfair rules. Thus the devil to Jesus was a reflection of arbitrary power and arbitrary rule. It is for this reason that he rejected Satan's offer of power and glory because he felt that the Devil was dishonest tyrant.
In light of the evil times in which Jesus lived--Roman occupation of Judea--we can understand his feelings. He lived under Roman tyranny and occupation. Rome at the time was ruled by an dictorial Emperor who wanted to be worshipped as a god. Christ may have even regarded the Emperor as Satan himself, but most probably an agent of arbitrary power. Christ, however, knew the truth, that if people voluntarily followed such prohibitions as "though shall not murder" that it would bring an end to war. Thus he was known as the "Prince of Peace." Now Christ knew that most people were not as perfect as God when it came to obeying the rules and most were not as criminal as the devil, thus he also advocated for the forgiveness of sin. Jesus rejected Satan's offer of power and glory because he did not want to become an agent of arbitrary power and rule, and an employee of a dishonest tyrant.

What I Really Stand For...

People are probably wondering by now what I really stand for. Its plain and simple, and despite some minor periods of "demonic possession" and childhood antics, here it is.

1) End to Racism
2) Civil Rights for All Americans
3) Life, Liberty, and Property
4) The Rights Contained in the US Constitution: Freedom of Speech, Press, Assembly, Religion with in limits
5) End to Slander and Libel
6) Equality of Opportunity
7) Right to Pursue Happiness
8) Love--the most important
9) Helping the elderly, poor, and sick
10) Defeating authoritarianism
11) End to Sexism
12) Human Rights in General

I do the best I can, take it or leave it.

Bye All

Y R People Messing with the Natural Order?

It's a question us regular people have been asking ourselves since the dawn of the the 21st Century....Y R People Messing with the Natural Order? Biologists who study society and culture know what I am talking about. Most people in America are heterosexual. They mate just like other mammals and procreate. It's true people in America have sex for fun to, but the main purpose as Freud put it, is to make babies. In civilization, most people with children are married or were married, though many children are also born out of wedlock. Since the dawn of the late 20th Century, organizations like Planned Parenthood have been trying to get people to plan the parenting process. But there are those in society who are opposed to this principle and like to mock people who seek to be responsible in their sexual habits (sometimes calling them "gay"). Many cling to ideas such as people should not have sex out of wedlock, an idea that is so out of sinqe with the times that is positively retrograde. Rather than promote responsible sexual conduct (such as the use of condoms and the like) they want to return to an earlier Victorian period where sex out of wedlock was banned. Well, call me crazy but I think chastity belts are a thing of the past. Plus there are those who also want to turn the clock back to a period of gay bashing. Now mind you, most people in America are straight, and might even find gay sex a little weird, but that doesn't make them bigots who approve of gay bashing. Biologists know that there always seems to be a small percentage of the population that is either sterile or gay. But let's face the facts, most males and females mate with members of the opposite sex. I did, most everybody I know did. And the main reason, you ask, because we ultimately wanted to have a family like ones we were leaving at 18. Now some of my friends are again single or divorced, but that didn't mean that we didn't want to stay with our mates---we did. Being a mainly one woman man, I found being single at 42 somewhat ackward and difficult. I don't have any kids because I exercised birth control, a decision I might ultimately regret, but I am happy that I was responsible in my sexual habits and didn't go around dropping babies all over God's creation. Still lately there seems to be an attack on the responsible sexual habits of myself and other Generation X-ers. It seems that today there are an awful lot of attacks on those of us who are again single in our forties. Now biologists know that any male the age of 42 is not only old enough to be a father but a grandfather. Oh I know Steve Colbert and Jon Stewart look like father's with their dyed hair and school-boy antics, but they too are Gen X-ers and old enough to be grampa too....and so is the president. You see kiddies biologists and psychoanalysts know that most people can make a baby at 14 years old, no matter what the US government says. Just cause Uncle Sam says 18 is the legal age of adulthood, doesn't mean that you can't make a baby before that. And in the natural God-given order that means that you are also old enough to take care of them....Hey if the squirrels in the yard can do it, so can people. Now legal ages for adulthood alter this a bit and complicate things, and largely because they mess with the natural order of things. Now I personally like the fact that the legal age for adulthood is 18, but that is only because I am civilized; if I had lived in the jungles of the Amazon, I would have probably been a father at 15, in which I would be bordering on great grampa by now. Just because we live in a geriatric society doesn't mean that 70 year olds are gramma, they aren't, they are great, great, great gramma. And you know old people, they live in the past. Now me personally, I was with a woman for 14 years, and haven't been on the dating scene since the late 1980s, so I am a little rusty on how to meet women, and I don't trust Internet dating either. (Just a little note kiddies, that doesn't make me "gay," just a single "grampa.") And there are a lot of us out there. So for all you dumbasses out there who think single people in their 40s are gay...GROW UP! Quit attacking people who believe in true love and exercise responsible sexuality like civilized people. We were once like you , you know, looking for love and trying to found our families too. Quit attacking responsible people (democrats or republicans) who believe in the concept of family. AND QUIT DYING YOUR HAIR STEVEN COLBERT, WE KNOW YOU ARE IN YOUR FORTIES LIKE US GRAMPA!

That is why we keep asking ourselves, Y R People Messing with the Natural Order?

Eric Forman: Today's Tom Sawyer

Back in the day when we were in English class we used to read these things called books. I know that sounds strange to kids of today, but it was required by law that we go to school, and that included English class. Back then we read authors like Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens really) and books about protypical American boys like Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. At the time , we thought it was just a story like the one's we told our friends and didn't really think about it in terms of reputation and money. At the same time we watched other All -American guys on TV, like little Opie from the Andy Griffith Show and Richie Cunningham from Happy Days. We figured that was TV's version of the 50's and 60's Tom Sawyer. Back then we didn't realize it but, as it turned out, we were the Eric Forman's of the late 70's and early 80's. Mind you we watched TV every Tuesday wondering what Richie and Fonzie would be up to this week (provided it wasn't a re-run), just like kids today watch Everybody Hates Chris or re-runs of "That 70's Show." It is true, that we knew that we were kinda the Richie Cunningham's of the 70's and 80's but we figured that was as American as Apple Pie. Little did we know what challenges would face "Apple Pie" in the future. Now remember kids, Hollywood is a money-making industry focused on profit, if it sells they keep it on and they make money. The same was true for Mark Twain, who profited more from the stories about Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn than the real Tow Sawyer's probably ever did. Heck, they even gave Twain an honorary doctorate. It seems that in America if you write about the Tom Sawyer's, Richie Cunnignham's, and Eric Forman's of America, then you get all the honors, and usually, all the dough. Same goes for the actor's that play them. Now us real Tom Sawyer's , Richie Cunningham's, and Eric Forman's are still out there, but now we are all grown up, but, with an economy in shambles,we are struggling and are left wondering, does America still like us? And if so why not? All of those shows were hits and made dough for Hollywood, but a broken economy and lingering world conflicts, have left the real Tom's and Richie's and Eric's out in the cold. This is despite all our education and achievements (I personally have a Ph.D.). So the next time, you find yourself worshipping Mark Twain, Topher Grace, Ron Howard, or some other rich guy for playing a or writing about a character in Hollywood, remember that they wouldn't be able to make all that money if we weren't out there living our lives every single day of the week. Maybe instead of worshipping the Hollywood millionaires, you should show a little respect to the real Richie's, Tom's, Huck's, and Eric's of the world...You never know, they might just live next door and be in their 40's by now.

And that is why we keep asking, Y R People Messing with All Americans?

Spirituality to All Americans

I know what you are thinking, what does this site have to do with spirituality? Isn't it a satirical rant against all that is absurd? Yes, sometimes it is, but us All Americans know when to be serious too. Speaking as a person who has had a number of close scrapes with death, back in 1999, and again in 2001, I know the meaning of spirituality. I know people scoff at "near death" experiences, and frankly so did I, until it happened to me. I know what you are thinking, I saw "Ghost" with Whoopi Goldberg, I thought it was all fiction, and at the time I thought the same thing....though I did like the movie (well at least at the time). But it seems that near death experiences might actually be real. I had one...now mind you I don't know if it was real or I was just outta it like Abbott and Costello when they were in the desert, but it did change my perspective on God and Jesus a bit. Now I'm a Christian and you know what they say, when you are about to go to Heaven you see Jesus. Of course people like Freud, say that is all bunk and being a Freudian in my youth, I believed him, but then again, Freud was never on the operating table at a hospital like I was. Without bullsh*ting you I will say that being near death does change your perspective. After my near death experience I decided to try to, as Spike Lee says it, "Do the Right Thing." I fought for civil rights, contributed money to charities, published books, and produced albums at my own personal expense. I shared my creations with the world, and they are substantial (25 albums--more than Elvis, 3 books, 4 chapter length articles, and 3 portfolios of original artwork). Now mind you this is more than I ever thought I would be able to do when I was a kid of 14, so naturally I am very proud. Likewise, I gave up the greedy pursuit of monetary wealth. Now mind you I know All Americans are hard working people and deserve to get paid, but if my near death experience taught me anything it is that a person's value can not be measured in monetary wealth alone. I mean really, when I was growing up we reveled in the fact that Bruce Jenner won the decathalon and the US Hockey team beat the Russians, and none of them got paid for it. So when you think that wealth means everything, remember me....I have a PH.D., 3 books, four chapter articles, 25 albums, and some of the best friends this world has ever seen.

That is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing with All Americans

Homophobia: The Curse of the New Age

It seems that since the dawn of the 21st Century, homophobia and homophobic comedians have become the order of the day. In my humble opinion, there hasn't been this much gay-bashing in the media since the 1980's. If I hear one more joke about San Francisco I think I will puke. First it was Adam Sandler with his gay-bashing homophobe movie and then Jon Stewart and his masterbation humor. It is interesting how dear old Jon has changed his tune. Back in the the liberal Clintonian 90's he was talking about his masterbatory tendencies on his Comedy Central specials, only to turn around in the 21st Century and start a whole new gay bashing revolution. Jon, you make me sick. For those of us who have had Gay friends, we are grossly offended by your bigotry. Don't you remember Jon, and Ellen for that matter, that the Nazis put so called "f*gs" in the ovens with the Jews! Oh, I know Jon that you have Anglicized your real name from Liebowitz to Stewart so that people wouldn't know that you were Jewish, but lets face it Jon, if you lived in Nazi Germany they would have fried you like a fried green potato, despite your fake name. So get with the program comedians, it is the 21st Century not the 1800s and your f*g jokes are rapidly going out of style. Same goes for you, politicians who all seem to think that you are living in England 200 years ago, and can use your freedom of speech to slander people.

Formerly Happy Americans Speak Out!

Back in 2007 I tried to start a blog on the issue of happiness since I had experienced great happiness in my youth, but it didn't go anywhere so I have added it to my new blog. The following is the text from my former site:


This site deals with the issue of happiness, how to get it and hope to keep it.


Entry for December 1, 2007 The 29 Axioms
After uncovering the 5 Core Needs, and the 9 Primary Needs for happiness, I did a personal inventory of things I had or had done in order to be happy in civilization. After much contemplation, I came up with 29 things which had affected my personal happiness. I turned these things into a list of sayings or axioms which I then labeled the Wellsian Philosophy. The truth was that when all of these things applied to me, I was happy. Interestingly, most of them applied to my closest allies and friends as well, all of whom at the time seemed relatively content.



The 29 Axioms of Happiness in Civilization



1. May you have good physical health



2. May you have good mental health



3. May your basic needs be met



4. May you have good food and drink



5. May you have strong shelter from the elements



6. May your home be warm in the winter and cool in the summer



7. May you have a place to clean yourself and be sanitary



8. May you get good sleep and rest



9. May you have a family that loves you



10. May you have good friends and strong allies



11. Take up a hobby, it can be a lot of fun



12. Enjoy entertainment like plays, films, music, sporting events, games, etc.



13. Participate in sports if you are able, and if not try to get some exercise



14. Don't be afraid of study and learning, learn as much as you can and enjoy it for its own sake



15. Make Love/Find a Good Lover



16. If you have to work, try and find a good job that you enjoy doing



17. If you have to work, try and find at least a decent paying job so your basic needs are met, and there is at least a little money left over for pleasurable activities



18. Engage in some pleasurable activities, it will keep you motivated



19. Try to have a little disposable income utilized solely for pleasurable activities



20. Try not to make enemies



21. May any enemies you do have not be major ones



22. May no one in your family or any of your friends die



23. May no major illnesses affect your family or your friends



24. If you get the chance, travel or go on vacation while you are healthy



25. Try to have a good sense of humor, and try not to take everything personally



26. Defend yourself if attacked wantonly



27. Don't be afraid to turn the other cheek occasionally



28. Try to forgive people (especially family and friends) for their trespasses



29. Don't break the big ones.



When all of these applied to me, I was happy, of that I was sure. True some of them were luxuries, but the reality was all of these things were possible for me so I took advantage of the opportunities for happiness as they came. While it might seem that I have done a lot of pleasurable things in my 41 years of life, the truth is that I didn't let these things detract me from my goals of getting a Ph.D., being a universtiy lecturer, and published author. Rewards are a great motivator, a much better motivator than sticks.



I hope this blog has been of use to those in the pursuit of happiness. The Bill of Rights says we have a right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. It is because of things like the Bill of Rights that I was able to actively pursue happiness in American civilization.



Good Luck to All,



Dr. Matthew C. Wells





2007-12-01 18:59:27

Entry for December 1, 2007 The Nine Primary Needs
When I left off, I was talking about the 5 Core Needs for happiness. Now I know people don't like to admit it, but we are basically animals with desires, needs and drives. So, it appears, were my pets. Animals have a lot in common with people but let's admit it, people are a more complex robot. It was true that when my 5 core needs were met I was happy, but let's face it, life in civilization is much more complicated. We live in a money economy and we have to pay cold hard cash for most of the things we need and desire. What I realized was that the 5 core needs were just the tip of the iceberg. It was then that I came up with "The Nine Primary Needs for the Creation of Happiness in Civilization." They go like this:



1. Good Physical Health



2. Good Mental Health



3. A Good Family Life/Caregivers Growing Up



4. Basic Needs Met (Food, Drink, Clothing, Shelter, Bathroom)



5. Good Friends



6. Some Disposable Income (For Pleasurable Activities)



7. When an Adult Having a Good Lover/Mate



8. Some Amount of Education (Reading, Writiing, Arithmatic, etc.)



9. No Major Enemies



In a state of nature, it seems possible that the 5 Core Needs can be met, but with the creation of civilization, things get a little more complicated. Hopefully, for most people it is complicated in a good way. It is civiliation that provides people with a variety of pleasures not readily available in a state of nature (such as Music, Plays, Films, Sports, Alcohol, Academics, Varieties of Food and Drinks, Marriage, Homes, Driving, Shopping, etc.).



I noticed that when the 9 Primary Needs applied to me I was very happy. While I was not independently wealthy or anything, and had been going to school or working jobs since the age of 9, as long as my efforts resulted in the realization of the 9 Primary Needs I was relatively content. I wasn't a millionaire or anything but I was satisfied, even light-hearted and fun. Let's face it life wasn't perfect, but it was pretty darn good.



I knew now that the loss of some of these things was making me unhappy and that I needed to try to get back what I had lost.



To be continued....

2007-12-01 18:24:35 GMT

Entry for December 1, 2007
Hello everyone out there, my name is Dr. Matthew Wells. I have a Ph.D. and have taught at two major US universities, and am a published author. I decided to start this blog because I had entered a period of illness in my life which led to a period of unhappiness. This prolonged period was unusual for me because most of my life had been relatively happy and content. In an attempt to get back to being happy I decided to examine the first 33 years of my life to determine why I had been so happy and to, if possible, find a way to restore that happiness.



One of the first things I did was to think of my old pets. Animals sometimes have an unrecognized wisdom. I had dogs and cats and they seemed pretty content with their lives. Why? It was at this point that I came up with the concept of the "Five Core Needs of Happiness." They go like this:



1. They all had good physical health



2. They all had good mental health



3. Their basic needs were met (eg., food, drink, shelter, place to go to the bathroom)



4. They engaged in some pleasurable activities (eg., going outside, walks, playing, hunting, etc., mating, petting and love from their owner)



5. They had no major enemies



It was then that I realized what it meant to be "King of the Jungle." A contented lion living in a state of nature has all these things, with the possible exception of having an owner. Interestingly enough, I noted that when I had these things as well, I was relatively happy and content. I also noted that when some of these things were taken away from me, my level of contentment fell.



But in examining this issue, I realized that there were a number of basic realities that I was failing to take into account. For one, I didn't live in the jungle. In the jungle, nearly every predator is an enemy, so it seemed to me to be happy in the jungle with major enemies lurking everywhere was at least difficult. And then I realized, that this was why civilization was created, that is, to ensure the continued existence of the five core needs of happiness. While it is true that good physical and mental health are a gift of nature, civilization often provides greater opportunities for the fulfillment of basic needs, pleasurable activities, and the minimization of enemies/rivals.



To be continued....


That is Y we keep asking ourselves: Y R People Messing with happy Americans?

What's With the Attacks on the Tolerant!

It's a question us tolerant All-Americans have been asking since 1999: What is with the attacks on the tolerant! If you grew up like me you would know what I was talking about. Before I begin I will describe myself, I am a tolerant, white, highly educated, heterosexual democrat. During my years I have contributed money and time to the fights against racism, sexism, poverty, disability, etc. I have worked to get qualified minority candidates elected to public office. I have worked to get tolerant qualified white people like myself elected to public office. I have had Republican friends who were more economically conservative than myself, but just as tolerant. I have worked to defend the constitution of the United States of America, as well as the Constitution of the State of Ohio. Nevertheless, I have found myself subjected to ridiculous criticism and frame jobs...attempts to portray me as gay, obversely as a homophobe, bigot or bleeding heart. My critics have twisted the facts so asidously so as to be guilty of slander, libel, and invasion of privacy. They have tried to play me for a sucker, baiting me constantly into putting my foot in my mouth...Know why, I am a tolerant mainstream All-American. People have sicked bigots of all races, creeds, and colors on me, tampered with my written works and musical compositions all in a vain attempt to discredit me and all mainstream tolerant white democrats. They have even tried to drive me into the arms of enemies of the constitution and champions of bigotry and white supremacy. Why, in order to discredit the rainbow coalition, tolerance, and mainstream tolerant white All-Americans. Don't fall for it America, the country is becoming more tolerant and egalitarian every day...America is the greatest melting pot of talent in the world...celebrate that.

And that is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans

All-Americans versus Crooks

All-Americans believe in our fundamental traditions: Life, Liberty, and Property for themselves and other people. Some Un-Americans believe in something else: Life, Liberty, and Property for themselves and no one else. Sometimes they call them crooks.

That is why we keep asking: Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

Indie Music is too Good?! Huh?!

Recently I read an article talking about how people were increasingly turning to Indie music because of dissatisfaction with mainstream pop music. The article implied that the recording industry felt threatened because of the improvements in the quality of indie music. You see improvements in technology have made it possible to make a pretty good album on the cheap with either a home studio or at a local studio. But then the specter of the New Age struck...CYBER SABOTAGE! What am I talking about you might wonder. Well it goes like this so pay attention kiddies....It is relatively easy to sabotage an indie recording with so-called Mr. Microphone Technology, or by adding additional tracks, or (by the new enemy) voice replication technology. Now anyone who has been in the studio or recorded at home knows that it is a very simple procedure to add additional tracks to a song. Many studios have as many as 64 tracks and thus it is very easy to sabotage an indie album by simply adding on tracks which make the song sound stupid. Plus there is what I call MR. MICROPHONE technology as well. Us old people all remember the old commercials....A guy is holding a microphone which interfaces with a car radio...as the car drives by he yells into the mic "Hey Baby, I'll be back to pick you up later!" and it comes in over the car radio and freaks the chick out who is driving the car. They can do that to indie albums as well...even while you are recording! Plus there is the voice replication stuff that they talk about in the trade magazines as well....That can also mess up an indie album! I can just hear them now "Hey, I didn't sing that!" What are these things...yep, you guessed it...DIGITAL TYPOS--just like real typos at the printing press...and they can do that too (like on your lyric sheets)! Why would anyone do this you ask? Because people feel threatened and don't want the competition. Music is an industry where money is made, and where there is industry there is industrial sabotage. Now we All-Americans love music-- listening, playing, and recording....It is a manifestation of freedom of speech (that is unless they change our words).


And that is Y we keep asking: Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

When Did Everyone Turn Into Peeping Toms and Gladys Kravitz's?!!

It's a question we All-Americans have been asking for some time. When did everyone turn into peeping Tom's and Gladys Kravitz's? It used to be that a peeping-Tom was considered a perv but it seems now that perv is IN and minding your own business is OUT! Whatever happened to the right to privacy? That's why they put locks on the bathroom door! It used to be that in the TV Show "Bewitched," Gladys Kravitz was a creepy, peeping-Tom no-good neighbor who just couldn't mind her own business. Viewers detested her and her irritating snooping ways. Now it seems that snooping is in and the right to arbitrary search and seizure OUT. The funny thing about it is that the professional comedians go right along with it, defending the government's and private dipsh*t's rights to stick their nose in where it don't belong. What has happened to America? I'd say it was like 1984, but the reality is that it is "1984-The Wacky Version!" full of gross privacy-invading jokes, idiotic double speak, and sick anecdotes. Totalitarianism--Comedy Central Style! And boy it sure is fun---NOT! Quit invading our privacy Hollywood and government. A while back I sued the government for invading my privacy--and of course I didn't win--I guess you can't fight city hall after all! The good news is that my lawyer became a state senator and later an attorney general! That is until professional comedians started ragging on us clandestinely and not so clandestinely for defending our rights. It wouldn't surprise me if they stole my All-American jokes and used them against me!

And that is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

Why Does "Ben Folds Five" Suck So Bad?!

It's a question us All-Americans keep asking...Why does "Ben Fold's Five" suck so bad? You know why? They are losers with no taste who sound like a bad version of Weird Al Yankovic. (Yeah I know you got Bill Shatner and Weird All on your albums but only because they too are owned by corporations and Hollywood). Overpaid rip-off artists making fun of suburban garage bands....how hack! How are your corporate masters doing a**holes? Well at least Ben admits in his song "I'm Rockin the Suburbs" that he is a no talent loser. Give your MTV bozo friends my best you corporate sell-outs! You see kiddies most people don't know this, but I have appeared on 23 indie albums and have more albums then that shitty fake Yakovic-band! Plus my vocals are good and their's are overproduced studio sh*t (Even if they were produced in their home studio!). Don't let them fool you, they produced their albums in the studio just like everyone else. So why do sh*tty bands like that make fun of the All-American middle class....I'll tell you, because the super-rich corporate bozos who control the music industry and Hollywood like to hire a**holes who make fun of talented middle-class All-Americans. Know why, to keep super-talented Ph.D.s like myself from taking over and running them outta business. That's why they hire dumb a**holes to blame the suburbs instead of the super-rich Hollywood hacks who control technology, publishing houses, and corporations and put out such stupid hack sh*t...big fat greedy corporations that hold back talented people. Guess what, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson and the like have big fat overpaid producers and often times studio musicians! Not to mention overdubs and as many as 64 tracks to work with. And their albums cost as much as $12 million bucks to produce, whereas indie music is often produced on shoestring budgets. So "Ben F*cks Five" we middle class indie artists have news for you, "F*ck off!"

And that's why we keep asking the question: Y R people messing with All-Americans!

Realists Protecting Idealists

One day I was sitting around and contemplating the "Real" World and what it was all about...It was then that I came up with the twin concepts of "Realists protecting Idealists," and "Realists hating Idealists (and vice versa)." Now Humanitarian Idealism is pretty simple, if everyone stopped killing and torturing one another then we would be forced to all "deal with each other." The only problem with this idealism is that it takes cooperation from everyone, or nearly everyone. Now idealism is admirable because it is to some extent the truth, but difficult to put into practice. As a result, over time, many idealists after being confronted by realists WHO HATE IDEALISTS, are forced into a position of pragmatism. People won't stop killing each other, so they say I have to be pragmatic and realistic and protect myself. I know the truth, but it is not practicable because it requires cooperation on a grand scale. Now these realists who were formerly idealists know the truth, if we all stopped killing then there would be peace--but people won't, so being realists we need to protect ourselves and advocate self-defense (even national defense). But being idealists turned realists, the new realists decide that we need to protect and preserve the idealists because they know the fundamental truth about HUMAN cooperation. Thus there is the creation of the phenomena "Realists protecting Idealists." We realists defend the country, family, and friends who are idealists and let them be idealists. Now we know as idealists, then will probably hate us for being such realists (about self-defense), but that is because they are idealists like we used to be, so we kinda understand. Some will get to live long lives as idealists and never have to become realists, while other's will give up their idealism in order to protect idealists. Now some realists don't like idealist and want to get rid of them, but that is because they don't understand the wisdom of idealism. But other realists who were former idealists do, and that is why we (idealists turned realists) protect idealists. Now mind you some people are fake idealists, like foreign spies and the like. They want us all to become peacnicks so we don't defend ourselves or the country when militaristic people and countries invade, but us idealists turned realists believe in self-defense and so we fight back, all the while trying to protect our greatest and wisest resource, the idealists. In this way Americans are different from other nations that seek to persecute and destroy its peace-loving idealists. A lot of us All-American realists love peace too, but being realists we know it is hard to make it practicable.

And that is why we keep asking ourselves the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans

Y R People Messing with American Culture?

I have been asking myself this question for a long time. Why are people messing with American culture. We All-Americans know that America is a melting pot. Growing up I had friends from all walks of life, white, African-American, women, gay people, Indians, Latinos, Italians, Jews, country people, city-slickers, etc. Our great cultural achievements come from our diversity, people from all different lands living together largely in harmony. I know there were problems with poverty, racism, and sexism, gay-bashing, etc. but a decent person could get by here and do well for themselves without setting off a New Age Civil War.

But then came the 21st century, and OH WELL, BAM! Evil Sh*T in our faces all over again. GET OUTTA MY FACE SATAN! In the late 20th century, during what I call the inter-war years, post Vietnam to the War on Terror, ME AND MY FRIENDS all got along. We listened to the greatest tunes of all time, rock, pop, jazz, Motown, country, soul, blues....a lot of songs mostly about making it in America and making love, and having fun. We had a social conscience too. Since the War on Terror things have changed, and sometimes it seems like everyone is channelling Satan. The love songs are screwed up, but people don't seem to care. The culture tampered with...do people still like baseball?! I can't tell. Don't people date and get married anymore. Why is everyone corrupting our "good" traditions and championing our "bad" habits. I can't figure it out....When did the Devil come out of his grave to try and take over America, the land of rock-n-roll, fertility, and true love. I say we say, BAH to Satan and send him back to Hell where he belongs! We All-Americans want romance and true love back.

And that is why we keep saying, Y R People Messing With All-Americans!

The Typo is Mightier than the Pen? Huh!?

It has been said that the pen is mightier than the sword. But I will tell you something I learned the hard way, something brand new that is happening all over America and the world: A new phenomena known as "The Typo is Mightier Than the Pen!" Since the dawn of the digital revolution, it has been just too easy to tamper with people's freedom of speech and press. You bloggers know what I am talking about, the insertions of typos into your written and recorded works, thru, you guessed it, digital conversion. This has resulted in a process of sabotage, that has led to a weird phenomena, written and digital works being unintelligible to their own authors. I can just hear them saying it now, "Hey, that's not my article. I didn't write that. I ran the spell check. How'd that get in there." I'll tell you how, SABOTAGE!

That is why we keep asking ourselves the question, Y R People Messing with our Constitutional Rights? Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

What is an All-American?

I know you are wondering, why do I think that I am an All-American? What is an All-American anyways? Well, most people living in America have some elements of All-Americanism to them, but most of the concept of what constitutes an All-American revolves around our rights as citizens. According to the Constitution, we have a right to "life, liberty, and property." The US government and other people cannot legally deprive us of life, liberty, and property without due process of law. In addition, as citizens we have a right to speech, press, to assemble, and to bear arms. We also have freedom of religion. Sure America is a melting pot and there are people with all different kinds of opinions and religions, but those are the fundamental rights which make us All-Americans. I mean come on guys, what kind of a person believes in the rights of "death, slavery, and theft." Only murderers, slave masters, and thieves. And who believes in the rights to "shut-up, not write anything down, not assemble with our friends, not protect ourselves or are country by not bearing arms, and freedom to have no religion." Only the enemies of opinion, education, self-defense, and non-believers.

That is why we keep asking ourselves the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans.

You Call That News?

Ever asked yourself the question, what is up with 21st century news? I tell you ever since the dawn of 24 hour news and the fake news on Comedy Central, every newcaster (with the possible exception of Brian Williams) think they are some kind of comedian. Well, I got news for you guys and gals "YOU'RE NOT! GET IT INTO YOUR THICK SKULLS! WE NEED REAL NEWS NOT MORE COMEDY CENTRAL BULLSH*T" Now mind you I used to like the fake comedy news just as much as the next guy. I watched Chevy Chase, Kevin Nealon, and Dennis Miller on the SNL, just like everone else, but what is with Wolf Blitzer thinking he is funny....and what about these local Bozos who think they are GOD! I tell you this much, the only funny thing about Wolf Blitzer is the stupid Hollywood name. Right, Jessica Yellin (if that is your real name!). Now I'm the first to admit that Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert have talent, but if people are turning to them for the "Real" news, then they are in for one big surprise; THOSE SHOWS ARE BULLSH*T. And what is with the proliferation of these stupid stories that pass for infotainment. We All-Americans need real news. Real news about our local community, road construction, school levees, new local ordinances, financial news, international reports, and not these fakey human interest bull and bizarre-but-not so true crap. Frankly its all an insult to our intelligence! And what's with all the trash talk-talky-talk bull on CNN, FOX, and MSNBC. You call that intelligent conversation, more like slander and libel! Stop insulting our intelligence Hollywood.

And that is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

What is With this New Age Homophobia?

When I was a kid, gay jokes were all the rage, but they didn't put that sh*t on TV. Know why, its offensive! Then the TV Execs used to watch what they said! Today, there is a new creeping fear mongering, New Age Homophobia. Well us All-Americans aren't going to be duped. Some of our greatest stars are gay, Elton John, Ellen, etc. Back in the Day there were even rumors that Rod "the Bod" Stewart, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie were gay. This was obviously an attempt by homophobes to get us to stop groovin to the Stones, Rod, and Bowie! Let alone Rock-N-Roll. It seems today that people are dusting off their gay jokes from the 1980s in a desperate attempt to turn the clock back to 1922. Yep, you guessed it, neo-Homophobe, Anti-Rock, Neo-Prohibitionist, prudish bullsh*t. Yeah, I'm not stupid. I know that military guys are hard a**es, and sometimes they think they are more bada*s then the rock-n-roller. But let me tell you something kiddies that they don't know.....Rock-N-Rolling takes Balls! This is not to put down our hard a** military dudes, some of them are our greatest rock-n-rollers. But if you kids think Rick Astley is rock-n-roll, you are crazy, that is pop music.. Now pop music has its place among All-Americans, but it is not the same as Rock-N-Roll. Rock-N-Roll kiddies used be an expression for Doing It...which was an expression for, well...you all get internet porn now so you know....but you don't know until you do it. So f*ck-off. Nib High School Football Rules! Industry that was a Revolution! And All-Americans believe in the American revolution...and aren't homophobes! We believe in sexual freedom!

That is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing with All-Americans?

Adopted Kids are All-Americans Too

I was hanging out with my college buddy one day, bitching about how rough things are sometimes. And he said, "Consider yourself lucky, You know who your REAL parents are." I said "What?" "Well, I never told you but I'm adopted, and I can't wait to meet my Real Parents." I stopped for a second and thought about what he was saying. I knew he was mad at his parents and been bitching about them. But I knew his parents and they were good people--All Americans. And so I said, "Those real parents you talk about are not your Real Parents. Your Real parents are one's who raised you, clothed you, kept you safe for 21 years, bought you that nice car, paid for college. The other ones, they are just your genetic parents. Maybe when you meet your genetic parents, they will be super-cool....but that might be because they didn't have to pay all your expenses growing up and deal with all your baby tantrums and high school problems. Your adopted parents are your real parents, and you know it." He stopped and thought for a second, and then turned and shook his head and said, "You're right." And then we drank a beer together. But all night long we kept talking about why people make it so difficult on adopted kids. You know, adopted kids are All-Americans too.

That when we asked the question, "Y R People Messing With All-Americans?"

All-Americans as Humanitarians

One thing alot of people don't know is that we All-Americans are often humanitarians. Humanitarian All-Americans are concerned for all humans, the future of humans, and the well-being of humans. But there is one problem with this. It's hard to be a humanitarian when so many of our fellow humans are not being human. It was hard in World War II for a humanitarian to be decent to Hitler, especially if Hitler was shipping them off to the Concentration Camps to be liquidated or worked to death. It's also hard to be humanitarian when non-humanitarians are shooting at you. The problem with being a humanitarian is and has always been the same, there are many selfish people who are downright unhuman to one another. It's hard to care for people when they are being buttheads to you, stealing your stuff, robbing you blind, torturing you, or trying to kill you. Non-humanitarians just don't get it. If we all stopped killing and torturing each other, then we would all be forced to get along with one another. The most uncivilized thing people do is torture and kill other people, but even worse than this, the torturers and the killers try to get us humanitarians to torture and kill others by provoking us. They even label us All-Americans the aggressor when we are simply and reluctantly trying to defend ourselves and our way of life. Shame on you Un-American Anti-humanitarians for exploiting and taking advantage of our civilized nature. Still we fight back when attacked, just like at the Boston Tea Party and Valley Forge. Why?! Because we don't take sh*t from no one! We are mainstream Americans. Why America has turned against the mainstream we don't know....and that is why...

we keep asking ourselves, "Why Are People Messing with All-Americans"