What's Up With Ellen?

Can anyone tell me what is up with Ellen Degeneres? Has she gone bonkers, is a screw loose, what?! We All-Americans know the truth, Ellen is one of our most talented female comedians, but what is with all the hetero-bashing? Now we all know that Ellen is gay and that she has a lesbian wife. Most of us don't really care about that; we know that there are gay All-Americans. A friend of mine from college was gay, and he was the kinda guy who I know would've liked the Ellen Show, that is, if it were not for all the hetero-bashing. Back in college, me and my friend had an agreement, I would not try to turn him straight by setting him up with hot babes, and he wouldn't try to turn me gay. For the duration of our friendship we stuck to this, and as a result we got along great. I was dating a hot brunette at the time and she loved my buddy, but she was the same as us, she didn't try an convert the guy...just be a good friend instead. Back in the Day, we were fond of telling this story to bigots: Once upon a time in a strange and foreign land, an old prudish woman took her gay son to a shrink...the shrink's name, Sigmund Freud. She said to Freud that she wanted help converting him to straightness. Freud, being a pragmatist and realist replied (and I'm paraphrasing), it is not really the job of psychoanalysts to convert people from being gay to straight...what psychoanalysts are supposed to do is help people in society cope with who they are and to be happy in society. If the kid is gay and unhappy being gay and wants to be straight then he could convert, but if he likes himself as gay, then it is not really his hang-up, but rather society's hang-up. Little word to Ellen and New Age Hollywood, we won't convert you if you don't covert us. We won't condemn you for being gay if you don't condemn us for being hetero! I hate to tell Ellen and the Hollywood establishment, but most people in America are straight and like it that way. Most of them don't hate gay people....

And that is why we keep asking the question: Y R People Messing With All-Americans